To The Mothers In Zion

In To The Mothers In Zion by President Ezra Taft Benson, he gives a list of suggestions for mothers I'd like to share.

 10 Specific Ways Our Mothers Can Spend Effective Time With Their Children

1. Be at the Crossroads-take time to always be at the crossroads when your children are either coming or going-when they leave and return from school, when they leave and return from dates, when they bring friends home. 
   
   
   
   
   
2. Be a Real Friend-take time to be a real friend. Listen to your Children, really listen! 
   
   
   
   
   
3. Read to Your Children-take time to reach to your children. Starting from the cradle. 
   
   
   
   
   
4. Pray with your Children-take time to pray with your children. Family prayers under the guidance of the father, should be held morning and night. Have your children participate in family and personal prayers. 
   
   
   
   
   
5. Have Weekly Home Evenings-take time to have meaningful weekly home evenings. With your husband presiding and your children actively involved. Teach them correct principles. Make this one of your great family traditions.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   6. Be Together at Mealtime-take time to be together at mealtime as often as possible. Share happy conversations, sharing the day's plans and activities. Special teaching moments occur at the the mealtime table.
   

    

   
   

   7. Read Scriptures Daily-take time daily to read the scriptures together as a family.Individual reading is important, but family scripture reading is vital.

   

   
   

   8. Do Things as a Family-take time to do things together as a family. Make family outings and picnics and birthday celebrations and trips special times and memory builders. Attend family events where one of the family members is involved. Attending church meetings together and sit together as a family when you can. 
   

   

   
   9. Teach Your Children-take time to teach your children. Catch the teaching moments. This can be done anytime of the day. Early morning or the end of the day. You are your children's best teacher!
   

   

   
   10. Truly Love your Children-Mothers take time to truly love your children. A mother's unqualified love approaches Christlike love.
   

   

   
   In my own life I was blessed to be able to put some of these suggestions into action. Meal time at the dinner table was a must in my house. Even if it was just my daughter and I, we always ate at the kitchen table. That time allowed me to ask how her day was and allowed me to enter into her daily life a little easier.
   
   Although I was a working mother, I ran a business that allowed me to drop my daughter off most mornings and be there when she arrived home. I could have chosen a different career path, more money definitely would have helped, but I opted to continue doing what I was doing so I could have the flexibility to be home most afternoons when she arrived home. Family home evenings weren't always formal, many were spent watching Fear Factor or Dancing with the Stars, but we always knew that time was dedicated to spending the evening together. When we did have formal lessons or discussions, my daughter always amazed me at how much she loved to prepare and research information for those lessons.
   
   I think most would agree that loving comes natural, but truly listening to your kids can be a bit more challenging. Especially as they get older! It's not easy to just listen so just keep practicing and try to remember to turn your automatic response button off and just listen! 
   
   Let me close by just saying, give it your best shot moms. It's never easy..sometimes every day seems like a struggle. Just continue to strive to do a little better today, than you did yesterday. 

Coequals

So many assume that by taking on the role of a mother and wife, we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, are living a subservient life. Nothing can be further from the truth. As members of the LDS church we are choosing to take on the role of husband and wife and mother and father as Coequals.

Gordon B. Hinkley says:  "The wife you choose will be your equal. Paul declared, "Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).
In the marriage companionship there is neither inferiority nor superiority. The woman does not walk ahead of the man, neither does the man walk ahead of the woman. They walk side by side as a son and daughter of God on an eternal journey. She is not your servant, your chattel, nor anything of the kind."

Elder L. Tom Perry of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles eloquently said: “There is not a president or a vice president in a family. The couple works together eternally for the good of the family. … They are on equal footing. They plan and organize the affairs of the family jointly and unanimously as they move forward.” Both husband and wife have a sacred obligation to refrain from thoughts and actions that might undermine that equal partnership. 

Although the term "equal" is used, it we believe it does not mean the "sameness".  Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has taught: “Men and women, though spiritually equal, are entrusted with different but equally significant roles. … Men are given stewardship over the sacred ordinances of the priesthood. To women, God gives stewardship over bestowing and nurturing mortal life, including providing physical bodies for God’s spirit children and guiding those children toward a knowledge of gospel truths. These stewardships, equally sacred and important, do not involve any false ideas about domination or subordination.”

There is research that supports the idea that equal partnerships in marriage have happier relationships and are "more satisfied with the quality of the physical intimacy in their relationship." 

 ^{The Family: A Proclamation}  

 The family proclamation explains the relationship between husband and a wife perfectly: While they have separate responsibilities, “in these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners".

As a wife and mother I feel blessed to have an understanding of the roles both men and women have on earth.  I have a testimony of the divine importance of marriage and it's role in God's eternal plan of happiness. It's not always easy and most families aren't perfect, but having a better understanding of these principles will definitely benefit and bless your family in so many ways. 

Exaltation Is a Family Matter

After being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for 20+ years, the long term impact and reality of my family not being sealed really struck me hard after reading this quote.

My husband and I have been married for 11 years, completed temple prep classes twice, and held various callings in church, yet we still hadn't been endowed or sealed as a family in the temple. My teenage daughter would remind me weekly that "her spiritual happiness" was in my hands, but even that would not give me the push I needed to take the final steps in preparation.

For 10 years I had thought of going to the temple as a "WE" commitment, and not as a case of individual salvation. This past December I had a prompting to focus on myself and my own individual journey to the temple. I knew my husband would go if I asked, but I didn't want to push him into anything he wasn't spiritually ready for. Without consulting my husband of my intentions, I scheduled a meeting with my bishop and 2 weeks later, I had a temple recommend. My husband was shocked! 2 weeks later, he had his temple recommend and 4 weeks later, we were entering the temple and being endowed.

So far the story sounds like it has a happy ending, but 4 months later, we're still not sealed and that possibility seems to be moving further away with each passing day. Immediately after going to the temple, Satan through us some big curve balls. My daughter faced her own trial, that would keep her from being immediately sealed to us and my husbands faith seemed to be shaken a bit after our visit to the temple. Things seemed to be falling apart, but I immediately recognized it as Satan's work. I'm sharing my story because I want to stand witness of how much Satan wants to tear apart families and the sanctity of marriage. He was quietly watching my family take the necessary steps to reach exaltation and he felt compelled to step in.

I'm not sure how this story will end, but it makes me question my motive for going to the temple. Was I wrong in saying "I'm only responsible for my own salvation and my husband can make that choice himself?". I really thought I was doing the right thing at the time, but maybe that selfishness is what opened the front door to Satan and welcome him in.

My daughter and I are now having lengthy conversations about the "What Ifs" in life. "What if" he doesn't change his mind about going back to the temple?  "What if" we aren't sealed?  I told her the only thing she can do as his daughter is pray for a softened heart and continue to lead by example. As his wife, I will seek counsel. I will read, offer advice and hope is questions can be answered. I will thank heavenly father for the family we have now and I will seek strength to continue loving my husband. Lastly, I will submit to the understanding that "Exaltation Is a Family Matter". 

A Woman's Role is a Choice

If you aren't a "feminist" in today's world, you are looked down upon. To say "I want to be married before I'm 25, I want to have lots of children, and I want to be a stay at home mom" can lead to an immediate attack by others with less traditional values.  In a time where freedom of choice and acceptance is considered to be a priority, I find it contradictory for a woman not to be able to make this choice without backlash. 

 
As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I find comfort in knowing that I was put on this earth to be a women, to enter into an eternal marriage, to have children, and to raise those children with the understanding that they too are a child of God. This may not be the path that others choose, but it's the guiding principle I've raised my child to believe. Why is the life of a "successful" career women considered more significant then a stay at home mom? 

I was raised by a single, working mother. I raised my daughter as a single, working mother for years.  Although both of us were very independent, strong women; I never question the influence a man could of made in our homes. Life was good for my daughter and I, but having a priesthood holder in our home would of made it complete. "The nature of male and female spirits complete and perfect each other, and therefore men and women are intended to progress together toward exaltation." (Elder David A. Bednar)

I've had a thousand thoughts cross my mind for this post, sharing all of them would take me days, so I'm going to keep it short. As a women I respect your choices. I respect your desire to join the military, be an auto mechanic, be a CEO of a major corporation, be an attorney, or be a doctor. In fact, I admire your drive and your vision.  I just ask that you have the same respect my daughter when she proclaims she wants to be a "stay at home mom".  Her desire and her drive is the same, she's just channeled it towards a different end goal. 

This article sums it up... Let's End the Mommy Wars

Be Quick to Forgive

This counsel by President Kimball may appear to be simple and short, but it's powerful. Here is an excerpt from The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball (1982), 242.

Quick to Forgive

Photograph of Spencer W. Kimball by Eldon K. Linschoten

“Marriage partners must be quick to forgive. If we will sue for peace, taking the initiative in settling differences—if we forgive and forget with all our hearts … if we forgive all real or fancied offenses before we ask forgiveness for our own sins—if we pay our own debts, large or small, before we press our debtors—if we manage to clear our own eyes of the blinding beams before we magnify the motes in the eyes of others—what a glorious world this would be! Divorce would be reduced to a minimum; courts would be freed from disgusting routines; family life would be heavenly; the building of the kingdom would go forward at an accelerated pace; and the peace which passeth understanding would bring to us all a joy and happiness which has hardly ‘entered into the heart of man.’”

Ether 12: Faith, Hope, and Charity

The piece above is one of my favorite pieces of art. To me it represents our founding fathers being guided by our creator, to build a nation greater than all others on this promised land. For several years now, I've tried to use these three principles as my guiding compass.

As I continued to read the Ether chapters in the Book of Mormon today, I was comforted by the guidance given in Ether 12. It is made clear by Moroni that Faith, Hope and Charity are essential to our salvation. v28 Behold, I will show unto the Gentiles their weakness, and I will show unto them that faith, hope and charity bringeth unto me—the fountain of all righteousness. 

Let me share some scriptures that touch on these attributes specifically.

Faith: 
v3  saying unto them that by faith all things are fulfilled
v12 For if there be no faith among the children of men God can do no miracles among them
v29 O Lord, thy righteous will be done, for I know that thou workest unto the children of men according to their faith
v31 for after they had faith, and did speak in thy name, thou didst show thyself unto them in great power.

Hope: 
v4 Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.
v32  wherefore man must hope, or he cannot receive an inheritance in the place which thou hast prepared.


Charity:
v34 And now I know that this love which thou hast had for the children of men is charity; wherefore, except men shall have charity they cannot inherit that place which thou hast prepared in the mansions of thy Father.
v35  if the Gentiles have not charity, because of our weakness, that thou wilt prove them, and take away their talent, yea, even that which they have received, and give unto them who shall have more abundantly.
 v36 If they have not charity it mattereth not unto thee, thou hast been faithful

 These scriptures tell me that in order to receive all the blessings the Lord has promised us, we must have faith that his promises are possible.  It reminds me of a book I read years ago, that said that believing in Christ, is different then believing in the powers of Christ. We must also remain hopeful and positive in life. That need for hope reminds me to Love other regardless of their downfalls and to have hope in humanity, even when the world is looking grim. Having no hope in your heart can harden it and give Satan a way in. Last, but not least is Charity. There is no action greater on this earth, then giving of yourself mentally, physically and spiritually. If we are struggling and can still give charity in any of these 3 ways, we will always have an anchor to the gospel and to Christ. When we loose hold of that anchor, we can become lost. Giving ourselves to others, gives us a purpose. It reminds us that all men and woman on earth are children of our Heavenly Father and deserve his love, regardless of where they come from, their circumstances or their sins. 

While I sat here and compiled this post, I've thought more about the actual picture above. It was made years ago for the Glenn Beck TV show on Fox. I wasn't a viewer at the time, so I don't have first hand knowledge of his thoughts and purpose behind the piece. I do know however, he is LDS and I can't help but wonder if he used this chapter as one of his inspirations.